I have been going through some things personally which have forced me to take a hard look at myself and my life. As painful, and in some ways destructive, as this has been, I believe it has also been very beneficial. It forced me to see what is important to me and helped me know and understand myself better. One thing it did was lead me right back here ... to my quest to solve the riddle of gravitation.
In order to move forward, there are some things that I am going to have to accept :
- I have aged and that my ability to remember and apply information has diminished. I used to see or hear something and just know it after that. I never had to study or practice. I never had to review, ( why go back over something you already know? ), but that has changed. I now need to be more patient and more disciplined. Hard work good study habits are now more important.
- I do not have the energy I once did. I now need to pace myself and be more patient.
- I often lose my objectivity by dwelling on the negative aspects of things. I am always hardest on myself, but I can be hard on others as well. I need to be less of an "Eeyore" and more of a "Donkey Hoteee".
- I often don't communicate as I should. As a result, I am often misunderstood. This comes from my negative and cynical view that people just believe what they want to believe, so communication is basically a waste of time. It sells everyone short before they've even had a chance.
- I have difficulty trusting people. After all, if you are critical enough, you'll find a flaw in everyone. I need to change that as well. An important aspect of the scientific endeavour is being part of a community.
- I like to think of myself as a brave and bold person, but I am afraid of failing. I need to just accept that failure is in fact an important and integral part of the scientific process.
- I like to think that I don't care what people think about me. The truth is that I've let what others think influence me far more than I should. In a recent interview on Superbowl Sunday, Bill O'Reilly asked President Obama how it felt to be hated by so many people. President Obama replied, "The people who dislike you don't know you." and "What they hate is whatever funhouse mirror image of you that's out there. And they don't know you. And so, you don't take it personally." He also mentioned having a "thick skin". I need to grow one.
One of the things I became discouraged about was the Einstein at Home project. Yes I was aiding in the search for gravitational waves, but my role was a passive one. I was just donating an old computer and some electricity. Wasn't it just another clever way for someone to pick my pocket? I now see clearly that this is the worst possible way of looking at it. In order to "mend my ways", I took my new Toshiba Satellite C655 notebook, loaded the Windows 7 version of BOINC on it and rejoined the project. I am assisting in the hunt for gravitational waves once again and considering it a privilege. I am also feeling better about using a lot less electricity.
In addition, I'm considering participating in a less passive "citizen science project". Zooniverse, ( http://www.zooniverse.org ), offers several different opportunities. The NASA Kepler Mission recently released an enormous amount of data on exoplanets. It turns out that the human brain excels at pattern recognition and is often able to detect very subtle differences, while there continues to be room for improvement for computers in that area. There are still some things that humans can do better than computers.
Follow up on goals that I set in my last blog entry:
1.) Enlist my wife's support and assistance
She continues to be very positive and supportive. She wants to be more involved. We visited the Academy of Sciences in San Francisco yesterday. They have the world's largest digital planetarium there, along with many other great exhibits. My wife enjoyed it and we learned a lot.
2.) Library access
We finally went! Henry Madden Library is open from 2:00 to 10:00 PM on Sundays. We had brunch at Huckleberry's and did some research. We need to make it a habit.
3.) Develop a TV/Movie Schedule
We haven't stuck to a schedule, but we are watching a lot less TV.
5.) Take notes that are accessible on-line.
I am using my blog and Google bookmarks. I'm also creating and using flashcards in Quizlet again. I found a great iPhone App called Flashcardlet to use with my Quizlet Flashcards.
6.) Community College, State College and on-line classes.
I have started again to complete all related UCCP Open Access courses. I have been reading Einstein for Dummies, but I need to read more and eventually pursue the course of study outlined in my earlier blog entry, "A Degree in Gravity".
7.) Scheduled exercise to keep the energy level up.
I haven't kept to a schedule, but I have been going to the gym at least once a week. My wife and I have been walking together.
8.) Find out if there is a local astronomy club.
The Downing Planetareum at CSU Fresno has weekly shows that are open to the public. They also offer free "star gazing" on Friday nights. I am sure they can direct us to a local club, if necessary. The Chabot Space and Science Center in Oakland has weekly shows called "Dinner, a Movie and the Universe" as well. I still need to do this.
10.) Obtain and use an "always on" Internet access device.
I have an iPhone 4 now and can tether my notebook to it, if necessary.
11.) Ergonomics
The iPhone and notebook provide most of the options I need.
My time away has not been a total loss. I have made some progress. Now it's time to get back to the nuts and bolts on a daily basis.
My next blog entry: "LISA".
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